I think it is very useful to get all of the classmates' feedback on both title and opening sentence. It helps a lot to decide what I should write for my introduction part as people pick the interesting first sentences. However, I think I need to get a new title since the feedback is about 5 to 6 out of 10. Finding an interesting and unique title is really hard and it takes time too.
Anyhow, here is my introduction:
Strolling around the fashion area of Apkujong in South Korea, you will find a relatively high concentration of good-looking people with big and deep eyes, straight nose and full sensual lip. There is even an entire street named as “plastic surgery Street”. Have you ever been dissatisfied with your appearance, or at least some parts of your face or figure? Have you ever dreamed of changing the way you look and becoming glamorous? Statistic shows that up to 80% of women and 90% of girls are dissatisfied with their bodies; 92% of girls want to change at least one aspect of their appearance. Nowadays, more and more women are willing to risk injury in pursuit of a perfect look, including going under the knife.
I hope that I could end up with an interesting topic. The titles I am thinking right now are “the price of beauty” or “under the knife”. I am not sure which one to choose as the title. I think either one is related what I am going to write later in the article.
Are those statistics for America or South Korea? Those are very shocking... however, I know a lot of girls have problems with themselves so I would believe it.
ReplyDelete